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Wednesday, February 23, 2022

Flying some kind of way

I am back. It was a long road to return here. I honestly was not sure I would. Things are much different now. I am different now in ways that I am not able to articulate even to myself. But this feels familiar. It feels a bit safer. I feel like I can breathe deeply. So I shall. 

I am still looking for work. It has almost been a year. And I have been looking. I have had a plethora of interviews and still nothing. Fortunately, I have been presenting m research at conferences so I know that my brain still works. I read and reread my CV and crafted a resume. There is some good stuff on there. And yet still...I have not cried yet today. That is a victory in itself and I am celebrating all of the victories, especially the small ones. 

I have decided what I want my next job to be. It must be the kind of work that feeds my soul, commensurate with my education and experience, ability to create and affect positive change within communities, foster friendly and collaborative relationships, salary enough to pay my bills, allow me to save for retirement, and to play. 

Amongst this, there has been some progress. I have been taking pictures of birds near the water. Amazing views near where I live. I have a gratitude jar where each week I write something on a piece of paper, put it in the jar. I will read them all on New Year's Day. I bought a vacuum cleaner. One that I actually like using. I use it several times a day. I now have a mattress warmer on my bed. Who knew? Now I don't have to wait until my next job to buy a bed that has a heater. It's all about being comfortable where I am in the meantime. It's about trusting the wait. And it's about resting when things get too much and I alone get to decide when that is. 

So I am flyng. Just not exactly sure where I will land. There is some excitement in that. A little fear as well because my savings will only last so long. But let's not focus on that. Let's (and by let's I mean me) continue to take one step forward and create the space for what is next to come because something is surely coming. I am one day closer. One day closer. I am one days closer to my miracle. 

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