Flying with Jessamyn Stanley

I met Jessamyn Stanley Not only did I meet her I was able to breathe the same air as her. I was in her space. I was all up in her stuff. Not really, but I stared at her a lot. I do not think she noticed or maybe she was just to polite to say anything. She was wonderful.

For whatever reason, I felt free in her class. Not that I felt overly constricted in other classes. Or maybe I just did not know what feeling free actually felt like. But I know it now. And it was wonderful. I did poses that I would never dare try before and did others much deeper than ever before.

I am not sure why that is. I do not think I knowingly not do poses. I mean there are certain instructors that I vibe with more than others. There are only a couple that I trust enough to close my eyes in savasana. I think that is a holdover from my military days. I just do not feel safe in many environments and rarely close my eyes when the instructor tells me to. When I teach I generally say "Close your eyes if you feel comfortable. Know that I will keep mine open. You are safe." And that resonates with people.

Tammy, Jessamy, and me

I will admit that there was something about Jessamyn being front and center that gave me permission to just be. It did not matter that my skin was darker than many in that class. It did not matter that I am not a skinny stick figure and that I did not have on Lululemon apparel. It did not matter that I am not the bendiest (I am surprised that spellcheck accepted that word) person. She reminded us that yoga is not a performance. It is a sense of being. We should only do yoga for ourselves. No judgments from ourselves. Peace comes from within. The poses are just a small part of yoga. What you do on your mat is what you do even if she does not direct me that way.

Those words somehow lifted my soul. I need to do me. My mat is my own. I knew that. I had heard it before and yet being told that again in that space with her made all of the difference. She made the difference.

There is something to be said about seeing someone who looks more like me than my other instructors. It is not just about outward appearance. It is that silent acknowledgment of understanding the journey. It's like knowing where we have been even if we were there at different times and perhaps in different places and spaces. It was about the collective unity of our souls. I thought I understood it. I even wrote my research paper for yoga teacher training on "Why is yoga so white?" Logically I got it. And yet that day I really got it. It was like I was given permission to get it. And none should have been required. Do I need permission to just be? I thought I was living my truth out loud. And yet I felt so completely unencumbered during the three hours that she guided me through pose after pose after pose.

We could not stop laughing and hugging

I did not know how much I needed Jessamyn. I did not know how much I needed to witness this beautiful woman of color move in perfect harmony with her own spirit. Unapologetically moving. Not asking permission, but granting it to herself.  I am not sure I do that. Okay, I am sure that I do not do that. I have created a perception of what/how I should move and it is blocking my own natural beautiful movements. I am blocking my own harmonious breath spirit soul connection. I am also not allowing others to see it and be set free by it as Jessamyn did for me. Isn't that why I took yoga teacher training? I have the ability to do more than I am. I guess it is time to start.

Thank you, Jessamyn, for simply being the best you and allowing me to feel the love that you have for yourself unequivocally. Some lessons are best learned by example and you have set a great one.