Flying with my hair

I 'borrowed' this from Marcia Davis Taylor. 


I just read an excellent article about women and "natural" hair ... and men's reaction to those of us who wear our hair that way. (see link below)  Reading this article brought to mind an essay that I wrote in 2006, with several re-writes and updates between then and now.  For those of you who know me personally, you know that I did the "big chop" about 1-1/2 years ago -- and for those of you who know me very well, you know that over the years I have dallied between relaxed and natural many times.  Read my thoughts below ...

Freedom Comes From Within
( Marcia Davis Taylor, 2010)

True freedom comes from within.  You can obtain it by listening to your inner voice and acting upon what you hear.  Your authentic self is revealed through self-exploration – exploration that requires inspection of your heart, your soul and your spirit.  What are the desires of your heart?  What are you keeping hidden inside or holding back because you are afraid of what others might think?

As women, we often sacrifice our truest selves because we are trying to live up to the expectations of others.  The expectations placed upon us vary according to our age, our ethnic or cultural heritage, and our socioeconomic status, among other things.  Family and friends expect us to look and act a certain way.  Much of what determines how others think we should look is influenced by unrealistic media images.

Some of you may appreciate the following personal anecdote.  After years of wearing my hair “natural” (without the benefit of chemicals to straighten the hair), I decided to go back to have my hair chemically relaxed.  My hair and I were set free!  Truth be told, each of the many times I have cut my relaxed hair was because I needed a quick, wash-and-go style that fit my lifestyle at the time.  I didn’t cut it to find my ethnic roots, no pun intended.  And, I don’t relax my hair to look less ethnic, either.  I relax my hair because I like it that way.

Right now there are numerous people, male and female, that have very distinct views on why I should wear my hair one way or the other; and they are not the least bit ashamed to share their unsolicited opinions with me.  As recording artist India.Arie proclaims, “I am not my hair, I am not this skin; I am not your expectations.  I am not my hair, I am not this skin; I am a soul that lives within.”  My point is that there are times when it really is not important what other people think.  It is at these times that it may be in your own best interest to ignore their expectations.

Some may say that hair and clothing, for example, are not important in the scheme of things.  I challenge you to recall the feelings you have each time you get a new hairstyle or purchase a new outfit.  How do you feel – free, sexy, confident?  Does it awaken something in you that you don’t usually feel?  These moments may very well be the baby steps that can be a catalyst for bigger and better things, related to the weightier matters of life.

Do you long to return to an activity that you gave up when you got married or became a mom?  Do you have a passion for something that some people consider “unconventional” for a woman or “inappropriate” for a woman your age?  Are you feeling unfulfilled and wanting to grow spiritually or intellectually?  Is there another part of you that is yearning to emerge?  Take the cues from your inner self – set her free and watch her soar!

When I did the big chop just before Easter in 2011, it was after a great deal of soul-searching. I had been on a personal journey to truly find myself and my voice, and that voice was getting stronger on a daily basis. I will admit that I was just a little scared before I cut it this time, though, because I was about to turn 50 and my hair had become a really big part of my self-image. My hair had become something that defined me, whether I wanted it to or not. Men loved my hair. Women loved my hair. My youngest son loved my hair. I loved my hair. It was too much and it had taken on a life of its own, and it was getting in the way on my journey.

So, with my trusted stylist who I have known since high school, off went the hair. I felt totally liberated, free, beautiful and sexy! And so the comments began, first from women ... "You look 10 years younger!" "I wish I was as brave as you!" "What happened to your hair?" That last one really p***** me off!  Reactions from men came mostly in the form of looks, double-takes, winks, smiles and flirting ... validation I didn't any longer need, but just the same, it certainly made me feel good!

Today, I am working on growing out my natural hair, still with no chemicals. I am in the TWA (teenie weanie afro) stage. I still have good hair days and bad hair days. And yes, son, I am growing my hair back long (smile). In the end, does it really matter what others think? I am NOT my hair!