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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Flying with nothing?

I received an email from someone that I had not seen in over 10 years. She asked me to tell her what was going on in my life. I said nothing. Why did I say that? isn't sitting on the bench that Toni Morrison brought to Sullivan's Island something to write about? Of course it is and I wrote about it. What about hearing Toni read her book, spending 10 days in Chile, developing a blog that has over 700 readers to date, writing a book (a book not published yet, looking for an agent, but completed), working on my PhD, completing 2 marathons, having lunch with Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, and establishing a foundation to fund women's dreams? Aren't those things something?

So why did I say nothing? Why did I think that I am in the same exact place she left me years ago? Am I not proud of what I have done? Do I think that what I have accomplished is not good enough compared to what she has done? I do not even know what she has done. Was I simply being modest or being afraid? Afraid that she would ask the question that I get tired of answering? You know the question. We all have one.

I do not understand why I said nothing, but I said it. That is not the first time I have said it. I say it quite a bit. I guess the important thing is that I know I have done plenty of somethings in the last 10 years. I do know that, don't I? Maybe I don't. Or maybe I am measuring myself against an invisible standard that even I don't understand. A standard that was handed to me by someone. A standard that I readily accepted. A standard that is not allowing me to fully appreciate my worth and to celebrate my accomplishments.

I am not sure. What I am sure of is the next time someone asks me what is going on in my life, I am going to say "Quite a bit, how about in yours?"


Pam said...

How about a response from now on of "how much time do you have?" I've used the "nothing" response for someone I haven't seen in a week or so, but 10 years? Girlfriend, you've done LOTS!

Anonymous said...

Sister girl, you have been SOARING!!!
We, women sometimes get it in our heads that speaking our truths may make someone else feel small.
I find just the opposite. I celebrate and am empowered thru my friends victories.
You ran a marathon, I crossed the finish line with you and told all my friends, and daughters that I had a new sister friend that was not just going places, but racing to get there.
Ring your own bells dear friend, the sound will be sweet for the rest of us as well.