In all honesty I when I asked God for relief, for something better, for more, for guidance, and for grace I wasn't expecting something so ordinary. I was expecting to be catapulted somewhere else. Somewhere 'sparkly'. Yes, I actually used the word 'sparkly' in my prayers. I even said it out loud to a few people. I am not ashamed. You do not have to use that word if you don't want to, but it is not a crime. It is not wearing sheer pink leggings as pants showing all your stuff. (I really saw a woman dressed in that the other day).
Anyway, I got what I asked for. Now I have to accept it. I really don't but what is the point of refusing? Yes, I am so out of my comfort zone and it will get even more uncomfortable and I will need a ton of help and we all know that even though I say I am better at asking I have a long, long, long, long way to go. And I do not even understand why I am not doing backflips other than the fact that I do not know even know how.
Is it because this is the end of a phase? Have I been comfortably uncomfortable too long? Have I been perfectly content to complain about my present circumstances instead of doing more to change them? Or is it because I told myself that the next time I would not be alone and I am still very much alone? God does answer prayers, just not that one. Or maybe He has and I have not been paying close enough attention, but I doubt it.
Anyway, when you ask God to order your steps you have to move your feet. Right? So I am moving. Not exactly sure what my next dwelling will look like. It is still a bit too overwhelming right now. It isn't even official right now, so I have time to...start getting rid of stuff, start fixing stuff, start organizing stuff, start start start. God is ordering my steps so it will be wonderful once I get there.