I had turned into someone I did even like when we talked. I accepted the blame for that. No one deserves to be treated as if he were less than human. No one deserves to be disrespected and no one deserves to feel strangled.
And he was nice. He was there when others were not. Doesn't that count for something? And how do you pay someone back when there is no more to say? Or do you just pay it forward? Or remember it fondly?
We had a history. I knew his past. I owned part of it, a very significant part as he did mine. God brings people into our lives for a reason. Too bad it isn't always the reason we think or the reason we hoped. Life is just that way. So now what? Saying sorry just isn't enough. It never is even if I say it more than twice.
I can say I tried. Well I tried as much as I can try. I don't know. Maybe it's still just not my turn. Or maybe I am just not taking my turn. I have no idea. Should a person commit to someone out of fear, loneliness, or just to be nice? Or should the other continue to hold on for dear life waiting for the tide to turn? Isn't it better to be honest instead for pretending? Or should one morph into something that is totally unrecognizeable? And what if she can't breathe even when he isn't there?
He tried. He tried very hard but sometimes trying just isn't the answer. Sometimes things just have to happen, have to evolve without the effort without the manual force. Wow. I sound like I really know what I am talking about.
Who is the strong one? Who is the noble one? The one who dared to try? Or the one who let go? And in the end does it really matter as long as they both see the end? Life is like the ocean bringing things in and taking things out every changing. One should not settle. Neither should not settle. Each deserves more. We all deserve more.