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Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Flying with permission

I bought a newish car on Saturday. I say newish because it is a 2014. My current car is a 2004, so I am in a bit of a car culture shock. I had to convince myself to buy the car. It's not like I did not need one. Well, I guess I technically did not need one. Mine is running fine with slightly over 241,100 miles on it. It has a slight oil leak, but other than nothing major is wrong with it. So I could have driven it until it dropped. (This is part of the conversation that I was having with myself).

For some reason I felt that I really did not deserve another car. I wonder if I would have had the same issue if I wanted another 2004 car with a lower mileage. But this is not what I wanted. I wanted a grown-up car. The car salesman said that my level of 'refinement' had risen from the 2004 Jeep Liberty that I bought 12 years ago. And that is not a bad thing. So why do I feel that it is? Would I have felt differently if my husband (if I had one) had bought it for me? Or if my parents had? Is there something unsavory about me buying this car for me? I mean, shouldn't I feel empowered that I could buy this for myself? That I did not need a co-signer and that I got approved for three separate car loans? Exactly what is my problem? Whatever it is Viola Davis said almost the same thing during her Oscar interview after winning. She said something like she felt like a hack and that people would find out that she wasn't that good. And then she said that she was going to allow herself to be proud of herself. That is what I need to do.

This time I did not settle. Well, I sort of did. I bought a black car with leather interior. That is not something I would have ever bought new. But I wanted the best 'refinement' I could comfortably afford in the car that I wanted. And that is what I got. Now that means that I will have to actually wash my car (I may have washed the Liberty five times, maybe). And since this car is black I can pretend that I am in the secret service.

This car has a lot of bells and whistles including a sunroof. I have not had one of those since my 1990 BMW. The sunroof was on my 'nice to have' list and it will be nice to have.

I bought this and all of my other cars with my own money. And it is perfectly acceptable for me to upgrade as I see fit. For now the struggle is over and I am grateful. I deserve to spend my money on what I want as long as it is not hurting anyone. But if my new car hurts you, too freaking bad!

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