Flying with Plan M

 I had a difficult week and yesterday I could not turn my head off. It was full of the shouldas, couldas, wouldas, why didn't Is, why couldn't Is, and all of the other BLAH, BLAH, BLAHs that go with it. I was exhausted. Things just did not go the way I had hoped. I had prayed, I had claimed it, and I had put it out there only to have it not come to fruition and I don't have a Plan M. Yes,  Plan M because I am so far beyond Plan A, B, and C at this point.

I woke up from a terrible sleep and decided that I needed to do something. I looked around my house and realized that it looked like a tornado had come through five times. I felt claustrophobic and just had to get out of my house, so I ended up at Charleston Community Yoga. It is $8 a class and I love that.

The class was taught by Emily, so it was warm flow with a power yoga flair. My head turned off. It did not have a choice. Those crippling thoughts not only left my head, they left the building. I was forced to focus on my breath which allowed me to get deeper into the poses. The class was challenging. I don't ever remember doing so many planks, downward facing dogs, and sun salutations in my life. 

At one point I wanted to throw up. I wanted to sit down. I wanted to quit, but I did not do any of those. I pressed forward, losing my balance a few times, stopping to wipe the sweat out of my eyes, but never losing my breath. 

It was challenging. However I imagined to find myself again and again and yet again each time. I did the best shoulder stand I have ever done. My legs were higher and straighter; my breath was stronger; and I felt victorious. Now I need to translate that to my life outside of the mat. I need to dig just a little deeper to find the 'sweet' spot. I need to figure out what I can do to make where I am right now just a little softer. 

I am not defeated. No matter how I feel right now, I am still here present and accounted for. I can still hold my head up high. Something better this way comes. And even if it doesn't come soon, I will be back in yoga class tomorrow.