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Thursday, April 2, 2009

Flying with the one or in the meantime, pt. 1

Have you found 'THE ONE' or are you with "THE ONE FOR RIGHT NOW' (otherwise known as 'in the meantime')? I wish I could take credit for this, but I cannot. It is by Scott Andrews and is called "How to Recognize 'In-the-meantime' vs. 'The One' Relationships". I should have had this tattooed on my forehead years ago. Okay, maybe that is a bit extreme, but you know what I mean.

Is this "THE ONE" or just another "in the meantime" relationship? I have been in several "in-the-meantime" relationships in my life. Iyanla Vanzant describes "in-the-meantime" relationships1 as those relationships where we are just passing time, or doing our best, trying to find love through romance despite knowing that the person we are with is not our "true-love" soul mate - "THE ONE ." Vanzant further explains how to clean our soul windows in order to see clearly that which we love, and then love ourselves more in the process.

When I think of why I let myself live a meantime relationship, I figure I needed to learn things, needed to grow, needed to discover enough about what I wanted in a partner in terms of "the what's" AND "the how's" that I could recognize my soul mate when the timing was finally right. When "the what's" (things we like, common interests) AND "the how's" (how we feel about things, our spiritual beliefs, values, etc.) are synchronistic, we then have the opportunity we have sought for so long.

The feeling we have when we fall in love is SO strong, it cannot be mistaken with infatuation. Yes, infatuation love does play a role, as our brain releases that chemical which floods our being and makes us feel drugged by love when we even hear our partner's voice or see their picture. Beyond the warm-and-fuzzies is a sense of "knowing" that this partner is just "right" for us. An understanding that when you share how you want to be with this person, how you both just "know" it. It is clear that you were meant to be together.

If you find yourself doubting, or questioning the relationship, then it is unlikely that this partner is truly your final soul-mate. When many of the how's and what's are in-synch, but there is still strife an arguing, perhaps the timing is simply off for the two of you. When we have done the internal work to prepare the path for our soul-mate, to know that we will not let ourselves be in love or be with someone intimately if they do not seem 100% like our vision of THE ONE, we become ready to then meet our true love.

I have written about the process of surrendering to discovering our purpose. Discovering our true love, I have recently discovered, is quite similar. When we stop letting our ego decide who we will be with and just surrender our love life and relationships over to God (whatever your definition of God may be), it is like the difference between the energy from a AA battery versus the energy output if you could harness all the power in the ocean waves that pound against the shores off the coasts. One thing I realized, when I prayed a prayer of surrender specifically for relationships, is that I did not want to be with someone unless I felt very strongly that they are "The One."

Yes, I dated, but I would cut off the dating at two or three dates if I felt it was going nowhere. Why create another 2 - 5 year relationship with someone who I know I would not be completely happy to marry? Yes, this goes against the "bachelor code," and anyone playing by bachelor rules is actually playing by ego rules, same as when women follow the advice in the book called "The Rules."2 Some of these ideas are to avoid saying "Yes" to a request to date if it comes after Wednesday night, or to pretend you are busier than you are, to create the appearance of demand, etc., and many more similar tricks.

(Part 2 continues tomorrow)


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