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Friday, February 20, 2009

Flying with a new attitude

I talked to my instructor yesterday at 10am. I will say that despite praying and truly understanding the nature of her comments, I could not sleep last night. The call was very cordial. She said that she knew I could finish this degree and that she wanted to make sure her comments did not tear me down. She said that she understood how fear can paralyze a person and could lead to further procrastination. She wanted to make sure that I was okay with her remarks. She told me that there was a lot of good in my paper and reminded me that scholarly writing is difficult at best to master. She was full of praise and encouragement.

I am glad I called. Monday I was seriously considering not moving forward with my PhD. Or at the very least taking a break probably never to return. I fully understand how people can complete the coursework and never finish the dissertation.

I realize that I have some work to do this weekend. I have a clear path now. I will complete this paper before the end of the upcoming semester. It is a tough road, but it is one that I chose. It is one that many have trod before me and hopefully one that many will trod after me. I must continue to move forward no matter how long this takes, hopefully before I turn 50!

So, do not get discouraged. It is okay to be momentarily stunned. It is okay to cry, scream and yell. Just make sure that you temper all of that with prayer and good honest hard work.

Wilma Rudolph said " Believe me, the reward is not so great without the struggle". Trust me when I get this degree, there will be a HUGE party that will rival Mardi Gras.


Angie Mizzell said...

I'm so glad you had this conversation with your instructor. When I was reading your previous posts regarding this paper, I was really feeling you, and also recalling times in my career when I felt I had reached my limit. Sometimes we are called to stretch ourselves beyond what we think is possible. "Can I really learn that much more? Can I really grow that much more? What I've already mastered was difficult enough!" But the truth is, we can! Once we break through that barrier and stretch our boundaries, it's amazing. I'm rooting for you, girl! Oh, and I'm SO glad I'm not writing that paper. :)

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